It was hard, but I finally sat down and wrote my story and by the time I was done, I had found my voice and power around it and was no longer a victim of my past. When it hit me that holding onto the anguish from all those years ago could actually be causing me to go blind, it was a huge wake up call for me. He also talked about Epigenetics-environmental factors such as emotional trauma and stress which turn on genes that trigger disease. The doctor then told me about a groundbreaking study that had been done called ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences), which documents a direct correlation between emotional trauma in childhood and disease in adults. He said, “If you don’t think that carrying this inside of you is impacting your physical health, you’re crazy.” But that was nothing compared to the doctor’s next words.
The idea that I was still letting my ex-stepfather take my power and voice all these years later was troubling. He said, “Do you realize that you are carrying a huge negative energy charge inside of you over something that has happened more than twenty years ago and you’re still giving your former stepdad and those circumstances your power?” That’s when the doctor said two life-changing things to me. He kicked off my appointment by asking me to tell him about my childhood.
In my quest to save my vision, I sought treatment from a doctor in San Francisco who focuses on whole body health. Then, in late January 2004, I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, an incurable degenerative eye disease that is slowly stealing my eyesight. But the emotions bottled inside me were so painful that I cried every time I opened my computer to write and decided it was easier just to keep the hurt safely tucked away. I’d tried to write Hippie Boy for more than a decade. It was my own struggle with the pain from my childhood-followed by my ultimate decision to write my story-that made me understand the life-changing power of personal narrative.
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